Past Due: Long targeted for eviction, public housing renters brace for end of coronavirus protections

(Read the series via the live link here at toledoblade.com) Part 1 of a 3-part series. Published Dec. 6, 2020. Winner in Ohio’s Best Journalism Contest for investigative reporting. Graphics by Danielle Gamble.

By SARAH ELMS, BROOKS SUTHERLAND, and DANIELLE GAMBLE, The Blade

The sheriff’s deputies showed up while she was loading her belongings into a U-Haul.

Kytrell Brown, 40, had tried in court to fight her eviction from public housing, but she couldn’t gather all the documents she needed in time to prove the lights and gas were back in her name.

The judge sided with Lucas Metropolitan Housing, after the public housing authority said she failed to maintain the utilities, owed $46.50 in maintenance costs, and failed to fill out paperwork recertifying her for public housing.

Ms. Brown waited until the last minute to move out of the two-bedroom John Holland Estates townhome she shared with her 6-year-old son, Adryin, because she didn’t have a new place to move to. She didn’t want to have to start all over once she found an apartment, so she spent the last of her cash on the truck and a storage unit.

As the calendar approaches Jan. 1, when a national eviction moratorium meant to protect renters during the coronavirus pandemic expires, many low-income Toledoans worry they’ll end up like Ms. Brown: kicked out of public housing with no place else to go.

“I was embarrassed. I was hurt. I was scared because I didn’t have really nowhere to go. I was angry. I was afraid for my baby’s life. I was afraid for my life,” Ms. Brown said. “Like, how can you put me out right in the middle of this? We could have settled this. We didn’t have to go this far.”

A BROKEN SYSTEM

A Blade investigation found LMH filed more than 2,200 evictions against its tenants in the past five years, making it one of Lucas County’s most litigious landlords. The coronavirus made 2020 an outlier, as evictions for nonpayment of rent were paused March 27.

LMH officials said evictions are a necessary tool for removing tenants who commit crimes or disturb their neighbors. But an analysis of housing court data revealed 91 percent of their cases were for past-due rent.

What’s more, 37 percent of the nonpayment cases were filed for less than $100 owed.

Filing an eviction in Toledo Municipal Court, according to its website, costs between $107.50 and $120.50, depending on whether a landlord wants to collect back rent and damages or simply wants the tenant out. That does not include how much a landlord pays a lawyer to represent them.

And for all that paperwork, The Blade found LMH stood to collect less than $50,000 in past-due rent and fees from those small-sum cases. That’s less than 9 percent of the nearly $560,000 in total past-due amounts LMH aimed to collect through evictions in those five years.

LMH manages 2,633 public housing units, most of them in Toledo and largely rented to households led by low-income black women with children, demographic data show. Tenants pay rent based on their income, and the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development subsidizes the rest.

Public housing is designed as a safety net to prevent people from slipping into homelessness, or to lift them out of it. Toledo Mayor Wade Kapszukiewicz, a Democrat, said Lucas County’s system isn’t working properly if families are being evicted over such small amounts of money.

“Just as a general practice, we shouldn’t be evicting people for dollar amounts smaller than the cost of filing the court papers,” he said. “Not only does it not look right, it doesn’t feel right. It just isn’t right.”

But he expressed confidence in LMH’s President and CEO Joaquin Cintron Vega, who took the helm in March, calling him a talented leader who recognizes there is a problem.

“If this is how the system works, the system is broken,” Mr. Kapszukiewicz said. “I trust that they’ll fix it.”

LMH officials defended their eviction practices in a series of Blade interviews, contending they give tenants ample notice and multiple chances to work out issues before they’re taken before a judge. LMH only uses the court process as a last resort, Mr. Vega said.

“For me, one eviction is concerning,” said Mr. Vega, who returned to Lucas County after overseeing public housing in Miami-Dade County, Fla., at the country’s seventh-largest housing authority. “When somebody loses the opportunity to remain in a place that they can call home, one is too many.”

Yet records show the agency filed eviction cases against tenants more than 300 times last year – and that’s down from 2016, when they topped 600.

Housing Court data also show LMH won eviction orders in 68 percent of the cases it filed in the past five years. It’s not clear how many tenants in those cases were forced out, as LMH does not track the outcomes of their eviction cases. The dismissals include cases in which tenants moved out before their hearing date or reached last-minute settlements at the courthouse.

LMH Board President Bill Brennan said the housing authority, which gets most of its funding from the federal government, has an obligation to taxpayers to be fiscally responsible. His understanding is LMH officials do work with tenants before they take a case to court.

The Blade’s investigation has prompted him to ask if LMH can do more.

“I’m willing to put it on the agenda for the board to start discussing going forward,” he said. “It’s something I think we do need to take a look at.”

‘THIS IS LOW-INCOME’

The Blade reviewed thousands of court documents and interviewed more than 30 current or former LMH residents to understand how evictions in Lucas County’s public housing played out before and during the coronavirus pandemic.

Each person who spoke to The Blade knows well what it means when a deep-red envelope is posted on their door. They all know someone like Ms. Brown, have been under threat of eviction themselves, or have watched as bailiffs showed up to supervise the methodical transfer of a neighbor’s belongings from apartment to curb.

Eighteen of the people interviewed for this story had received the “red letter of doom,” as one LMH tenant calls it. Seven had received multiple notices on their doors in the last five years; Ms. Brown had received six. Each of them said that, in most cases, they don’t believe court action was necessary to resolve the issue.

Charlene Hughes, 37, is a single mom. Some months her expenses and income don’t quite line up, and she’ll miss a rent payment.

“They just keep on at it, and then they hurry up and try to take you to court and then hurry up and try to evict you,” she said. “This is low-income [housing]. Why would you try to evict anybody from low-income? That’s the reason why they got low-income, because they struggling.”

Last year LMH sued Ms. Hughes because she owed $50 in rent, $5 for a maintenance cost, and a $15 late-fee. She signed a “promise to pay” and got on a repayment plan for the $70, plus the court costs LMH incurred to sue her.

Ms. Hughes caught up, but it’s stressful for her to think about what would have happened to her and her 3-year-old son if she hadn’t.

“Then they’ll have you on the street,” she said. “They don’t care if you have kids.”

Five of the families who spoke to The Blade said they would have nowhere to go if evicted today. Nine said they would go stay with relatives or friends, but it wouldn’t be a permanent solution.

Before Kayla Nuzum moved into her two-bedroom LMH apartment in December 2015, she stayed at the Family House shelter in the central city. Her rent is $50 a month, the LMH minimum, and she’s usually able to pay it with the handful of hours she works at a dry cleaning shop downtown each week.

Ms. Nuzum, 32, said she tries hard to be a good tenant. Court records show LMH sued her three times between 2018 and 2019 for rent and late fees, once for $85 and twice for $50, but she paid up each time and was never set out.

She has three children and a baby on the way, and she doesn’t want to lose the home she has built for her family.

“If you put us out, where are we going to go?” Ms. Nuzum said.

When the pandemic took hold in the United States in March, the economy stalled, and unemployment levels skyrocketed. An eviction crisis housing advocates have warned about for years suddenly became top of mind.

Some relief has come in the form of stimulus checks, a government-mandated halt to most eviction cases in federally subsidized properties, and temporary changes in local housing agencies’ own policies. LMH, for example, extended an eviction moratorium through December, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention expanded its own moratorium on certain evictions to year’s end.

Sarah Jenkins, director of public policy and community engagement for Toledo’s Fair Housing Center, said housing insecurity, particularly for low-income renters, was already at a crisis level nationally and locally before the coronavirus exacerbated the problem.

She doesn’t see that changing when the moratoriums lift, nor once the pandemic recedes.

A quarter of Toledo’s 275,000 residents live below the poverty line, according to U.S. Census estimates, and hundreds were living in emergency shelters or on the street before the pandemic hit. The need for affordable housing in Lucas County is so great that LMH’s own 2,500-person public housing waitlist stopped accepting new names in February because the authority’s inventory couldn’t meet demand.

But even then, policies were slow to change and rental assistance was hard to come by. It wasn’t until the pandemic-induced economic plunge that governments paused evictions and prioritized financial help for renters.

“These housing needs are going to continue well beyond COVID,” Ms. Jenkins said. “Hopefully this is an opportunity now that we have the eyes of the world on this issue to really get some movement on this.”

UNDER PRESSURE

Mr. Vega and other LMH officials described their job in public housing as a balancing act.

Because of a shortage of affordable housing in Toledo, there are hundreds of families on LMH’s public housing waiting list. If a current tenant isn’t meeting their lease agreement, there’s someone on the list who will, Mr. Vega said.

Public housing authorities also have to remain in good standing with HUD, the agency that provides the bulk of their funding. In 2020, HUD subsidies comprised about $40.2 million of LMH’s $57.3 million budget, or about 70 percent.

About $25 million went toward housing choice vouchers, commonly referred to as Section 8; LMH also received $2.8 million to administer the program. The other $12.4 million closed the gap between what public housing residents paid in rent, about $5.3 million in 2020, and what it costs to keep the apartments operating.

The federal government currently considers LMH a “standard performer,” but Mr. Vega’s goal is to reach a “high performer” designation because it gives the agency more financial flexibility and a leg up when it comes to competitive funding. In order to do that, LMH must maintain a high rate of occupancy and a high rate of rent collection, he said.

What’s more, the less rent LMH is collecting each month, the less money it has to cover operations and programming costs. And that’s important because the HUD subsidies are only enough for public housing authorities to keep the doors open, experts said. There isn’t enough, for example, to fund the increasing maintenance costs of aging housing or to pay for programs residents need.

HUD’s regional and national offices did not grant The Blade an interview, but a spokesman from the Chicago regional office, which oversees Ohio, in an email said housing authorities are required to collect rent based on family income.

“Not collecting rents owed reduces the funds available for operations of the agency,” spokesman Gina Rodriguez wrote.

Housing authorities are not required to report data about evictions to HUD.

“Housing authorities have an extremely difficult job to do,” said Marcus Roth, spokesman for the Coalition on Homelessness and Housing in Ohio. “They’re charged with housing people dealing with extreme poverty, and housing authorities have been woefully underfunded for some time now. They still have to figure out how to make the finances work.”

Mr. Roth said he understands public housing authorities are in a tough financial position, but officials should work to enforce rent collection policies without taking renters to court.

“That puts them, really, at extremely high risk of homelessness,” he said. “They should generally do everything in their power before evicting people for nonpayment. It’s a terrible consequence.”

While LMH leadership emphasized that filing an eviction doesn’t automatically mean they’re putting a family out, tenant advocates argue that having an eviction case on your record equates to a red flag for landlords.

Plus, renters are more likely to settle for substandard housing — even unsafe situations that violate legal requirements — if a landlord is willing to overlook their eviction record, Ms. Jenkins said.

Ms. Brown’s eviction from LMH was a setback that came just as she was finding stability again.

She was denied two apartments because of her eviction record, she said, even though she had gotten a job with a steady paycheck.

Finally, after three months of couch surfing with her son, she found a place through a family connection. It’s in a decent neighborhood with a playground nearby, but Adryin misses his friends and his old school.

In her living room is a desk and chair, four throw pillows, two folding chairs, and an empty fish tank. Everything else is still in storage. Ms. Brown likes to cook, but her new kitchen is tiny. The place also only has one bedroom, so she and Adryin share a bed.

Ms. Brown has osteogenesis imperfecta, a brittle bone disease. A fall that might leave a bruise on most could leave her with broken bones. Before her eviction, she suffered a fractured foot, a cracked scapula, and a torn rotator cuff, which left her in the hospital for months and out of work.

She said she tried to figure out a way to informally resolve the utilities issue with her LMH property managers once she recovered, but they took her to court instead.

As Ms. Brown juggles work and parenting, she tries hard to make rent and still have money to put away. She’s keeping her eye out for a bigger place she could rent-to-own, and she’s looking into down-payment assistance programs.

If she can buy her own home, she’ll never have to deal with another eviction again.

“I don’t wish that on my enemy,” she said.

AN IMPERFECT SOLUTION

LMH leadership said the public housing authority has been trying to reduce its eviction filings, and it seems to be working.

Court records show LMH filed 579 evictions in 2015 and 618 in 2016, and those numbers dropped to 394, 339, and 327 for 2017, 2018, and 2019, respectively.

Tom Mackin, chief legal officer for the housing authority, said those reductions are a result of better communication with residents as well as stronger partnerships with advocacy groups that connect tenants to financial coaching, job training, and mental-health resources.

He also said there is a seven-day grace period before rent is considered delinquent and a $15 late fee is charged. Tenants may be delinquent three times in a 12-month period before LMH will issue a notice to vacate.

Each notice includes an invitation to try and reach a resolution with property managers during an informal meeting. It’s only if a tenant doesn’t show up to the conference or vacate their unit and turn in their keys that LMH proceeds to court.

LMH officials maintain that the informal conferences are effective, but they do not keep complete data on how many tenants take advantage of them. They also cannot say how many of those meetings led to a resolution that stopped an eviction filing.

Residents told The Blade they either didn’t know about the conference because they stopped reading the notice once they saw how much they owed, or they chose not to go because they were skeptical it would help. Those who did attend the informal conferences reported mixed results.

One tenant, a mother of three who received a three-day notice just before Christmas in 2019, said the meeting was pointless. Alexus Boyd, 21, had been in an altercation with another resident. The police responded to the incident, but no charges were filed.

Still, Ms. Boyd, whose only criminal record in Toledo Municipal Court is a traffic ticket, got a three-day notice to vacate her Port Lawrence Homes apartment. She tried to smooth things over at her informal conference.

“When I went in to talk about it, she really didn’t want to hear it,” Ms. Boyd said of her property manager. “They were saying I still had to leave and it didn’t matter because the police were called.”

She enlisted the help of Legal Aid of Western Ohio, and her case was dismissed in court.

When a 14-day notice arrived on Taberah Israel’s door, she was confused and scared. The 32-year-old pregnant mother of four had just recently moved into LMH’s Birmingham Terrace from the Family House Shelter, and she didn’t want to go back.

“I’ve never been evicted ever. It was scary,” she said.

She went to the meeting with her property manager and learned the notice was over a misunderstanding about her security deposit. She thought a subsidy covered it, she said, but LMH told her she needed to pay. They worked out an agreement, and Ms. Israel was able to keep her eviction record clean.

Ms. Brown said the first time she received a notice to vacate, the informal conference worked. She had failed to fill out her recertification form properly, but she met with the property manager and worked it out without an eviction filing.

She was able to resolve the next five evictions over late rent payments, too, but only after going to court. This summer, the process wasn’t as effective. She said she tried to work with management, but she was set out in June.

Court records show an attorney from Legal Aid of Western Ohio argued LMH should not be allowed to conduct the eviction, since the CARES Act prohibited them from March 27 through July 24. But the judge ruled that because a judgment was reached in favor of LMH on Feb. 28, before the CARES Act was put in place, Ms. Brown’s eviction could proceed.

“I believe that you’re supposed to pay your bills, OK?” Ms. Brown said. “But if life happens and there is a dire situation, then have some compassion. Work with that person.”

ABOUT THIS THREE-PART SERIES

Lucas Metropolitan Housing is among the city’s top landlords when it comes to eviction filings. The Blade set out to determine why that is, who is most impacted by it, and what can be done about it.

We conducted this investigation in partnership with the Investigative Editing Corps, founded in 2017 by Pulitzer Prize-winning editor Rose Ciotta, which pairs experienced investigative editors with local newsrooms.


Image Description

This three-part series was produced by (pictured above, from left) Blade reporters Sarah Elms and Brooks Sutherland, photojournalist Amy E. Voigt, digital journalist Danielle Gamble, and reporter Ellie Buerk. It was edited by Deborah Nelson, a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and professor of investigative journalism at University of Maryland; Sean Mussenden, data editor for University of Maryland’s Howard Center for Investigative Journalism; Kim Bates, The Blade’s managing editor; and Mike Walton, The Blade’s city editor.

40 minutes, $40 got me a great taste of Ellicottville

This article was originally published Aug. 11, 2018, in the Olean Times Herald.

ELLICOTTVILLE — Anyone who’s seen the swaths of chatty eaters who annually crowd downtown for Taste of Ellicottville knows “leisurely” is the prescribed way of enjoying the village’s annual food festival.

But after a busier-than-normal Saturday morning, I found myself pulling into a parking space at the ski destination just after 3:20 p.m. I knew from previous jaunts to the event that the tented food booths lined along Washington and Monroe streets would fold rather promptly at 4 p.m.

As I walked up to a ticket tent and handed over $40 for an equal number of food tickets, three older volunteers reinforced my thoughts. “They’ll be closing up soon,” warned one, her knowing look echoed in her partners’ nodding heads.

“I know,” I said with a rueful smile. “Thank you.”

I turned to my food partner for the day and handed him half of my tickets, quickly listing off vendors I knew while asking him to “pick what looks good.” He speed-walked away, and I turned to survey a burst of attendees grabbing last-minute grub.

Time for a food marathon, I thought.

Taste of Ellicottville 8-12-18 pic 1
A sampling of $40 of food at the Taste of Ellicottville food festival. (Danielle Gamble/2018)

Even in the last hour of the weekend festival’s first day, plenty of hot, fresh choices remained at every booth. Event coordinator Barbara Pump of Ellicottville’s Chamber of Commerce was being handed sizzling samples as I caught up with her.

“Because we are a tourist destination, these restaurants take a lot of pride in what they do,” she said.

Pump was quite satisfied with the day, especially with the crowd turnout. She noted the pocket-sized village hosted 24 restaurants this year — four of whom were first-time participants — while Taste of Buffalo, representing all of Erie County, had 59 total vendors.

“That’s something we like to brag about,” she said with a smile.

Nearby, attendee Dianne Roof of Buffalo said she prefers the atmosphere of Ellicottville’s tasting to her more local festival.

“This is very relaxed,” she said, noting how many open tables and chairs lined the area, beckoning families or older folks to pause and enjoy their food.

Behind her, a male companion bobbed his head vigorously, loudly agreeing.

But I had no time for tranquility. I instead zoomed over to a tent in front of Villagio, the parent restaurant to Olean’s newly-opened Mercato, to check out the tent’s best selling item — a porchetta slider.

As catering manager Andrea Austin heaped strands of seasoned pork roast onto a Costanzo roll from Buffalo — topping it with a zingy salad of arugula, Parmigiano-Reggiano and pickled red onion — she mentioned the tent was also offering a meal on Olean’s menu. She picked up a lid to a verdant mixture of steaming quinoa for those craving a Healthy Bowl.

I then scooted past several sets of families to find my food partner, who in 20 minutes had scored several prime dishes. He had bought so many treats, though, that the employees at Watson’s Chocolates had taken pity on him and given him a spare paper box in which to carry it all.

After acknowledging that perhaps we looked like a pair of foodie lunatics — what with a DSLR camera strapped around my shoulder and him carrying a carton of food — I headed to Dina’s.

Owner Jim Carls was with his staff as I grabbed a set of baby back ribs and a freshly-caramelized creme brulee. He said this was the restaurant’s 27th year participating in Taste of Ellicottville, which is celebrating 33 years.

Taste of Ellicottville 8-12-18 pic 3
A server with Dina’s restaurant torches sugar atop an order of creme brulee at the annual Taste of Ellicottville food festival. (Danielle Gamble/2018)

“We only try to do things on the menu,” he said. “It’s silly to serve something not on the menu, if someone tries something (at this event) and they want to come back.”

Down the street and around the corner, staff members of Ellicottville Brewing Company looked ready to wrap up. They joked around as they served me a mini shepherd’s pie with veal and a shiny demi-glace, scoffing at my question about festival awards they might hope to win.

An EBC crew member said he was “not really concerned with awards,” though another noted the Southwest rice bowl he had handed me had been entered as a contender.

Local celebrity judges had already wrapped up their favorite food choices — categories are Best of Ellicottville, Best Entrée, Sweetest Sweet, Kid’s Choice and Healthiest Choice, with winners to be announced today, the festival’s second day.

I whisked my dishes over to a table covered with my food partner’s finds, realizing as the clock struck 4 p.m. that we still had six tickets left.

I shoved the tickets in his palm, ordering him to “Spend these now!” as I began taking stock of the food. In a dash, he reappeared with more to eat and a zero fund balance.

We were happy to find that for the price of a cheap dinner out for two, we could feast with both refinement and gusto.

Together, we sampled:

  • Barbecue ribs and creme brulee from Dina’s. The sticky pork was easily pulled from its bone. The sugar seal, bruleed to an expert charr, cracked into delicate shards atop a smooth custard.
  • A porchetta slider from Villagio. The rich meat was cut nicely by the peppery arugula and tangy onion, and the thick roll it was served on made it quite satisfying.
  • Pork chile verde nachos from the Seneca Allegany Resort & Casino. Exceptionally-seasoned pork piled high on sturdy chips, with sweet pops of corn rounding out a hearty nacho experience. I paused to consider if the prevalence of pork dishes in front of me was to be blamed on the festival’s vendors or my own food inclinations.
  • A mini shepherd’s pie and Southwest rice bowl from Ellicottville Brewing Company. I was surprised how flaky the pastry dough remained — a non-traditional addition to shepherd’s pie, but welcome as it helped to soak up the velvety demi-glace. The rice bowl was well-seasoned, and managed to be both filling and light.
  • A cupcake flight of loganberry, lemon blueberry and chocolate salted caramel from Cupcaked. Gorgeous buttercream with pitch-perfect flavorings — the scent of berries was as heady as a bouquet of roses. I’m an admirer of good cake, and the springy-yet-dainty texture really… well, took the cake.
  • Reuben meatballs from Finnerty’s Tap Room, one of our last-minute finds and a surprise favorite. Served atop sauerkraut, with extra caraway seeds adding a sweet, earthy roundness. A plan to mimic the recipe began forming in my head immediately.
  • A glass of strawberry mint Arnold Palmer from Public House. Light and herbaceous — a much-needed refresher amongst the food selection.
  • A steak salad with strawberries and balsamic vinaigrette from Tops Friendly Markets. The produce and dressing were fresh, but could not be eaten that afternoon as we had gorged ourselves silly on everything else. It became a nice dinner for my food partner.
  • A bag of dark chocolate sponge candy from Watson’s Chocolates. Also impossible to eat after the sugar rush served up by Cupcaked. However, the decadent treat — with its rich shell covering a brittle toffee — is a holiday staple to me, and I knew it would be all the better later.

Column: Dressing up for Thanksgiving

This article was originally published Nov. 21, 2018 in the Olean Times Herald.

The first time I realized I was a Southerner was the first Thanksgiving I lived in New York.

Before then, I hadn’t really considered myself tied to one region of the U.S., which in and of itself was odd. I grew up all through Mississippi and South Carolina, so basic geography should have been a clue to me.

stuffing.jpg
Source: Pixabay

However, we moved around a lot, so I spent so much time in Southern schools as the perpetual new girl that I didn’t realize how much of its boggy residue I had in my bones.

That is, until two years ago when I found myself at a table of people my age from around Olean for Friendsgiving — that modern tradition of young people gathering their “chosen family” of friends for a potluck days before Thursday with their family.

I was thankful for the invite, as it would be the first Thanksgiving away from my family and I was not looking forward to a holiday meal alone.

I’d only lived in the area for a few months, so I was a little nervous about picking a dish that would help me make the right first impression. But after some thinking, I knew — that bready side dish with sage, broth and egg. The king of turkey accoutrements.

I’m talking about dressing.

The problem is, apparently none of ya’ll know what dressing is.

For the perpetually snowbound Northerners, I’m referring to stuffing.

Except, no, I’m not. As I learned by the edge of my great-grandfather’s kitchen counter in Missouri, dressing is when dry bread is combined with cornbread, elevated to a sage-spiked souffle and served in a casserole pan. Stuffing is when someone takes bread cubes and shoves it in a raw turkey hole so it can be overbaked into mush.

Every good Southerner knows this difference. But the young people at Friendsgiving didn’t.

So when I signed up to bring a pan of dressing, I apparently created a tide of confusion.

Why, they asked amongst themselves, would she think salad dressing was a necessary holiday side? And instead of embarrassing me with this question, someone was assigned to bring a big enough salad to soak up the bowl of “dressing” I was going to foist on them.

The day of the meal, I dispelled the groups’ uncertainty by showing up with a non-insane side dish of what they recognized as stuffing.

When I was informed about the comedy of errors after dinner, I thought several things.

1) The disposable roasting pan filled with naked salad on the buffet line suddenly made sense. It was not, as I had thought, the last-minute results of a bad cook on a health kick.

2) I was annoyed that for several weeks, multiple people thought my favorite Thanksgiving side dish was a tub of ranch. What kind of life did they think I had led before I moved to New York?

3) What kind of life had these people led that it was perfectly logical someone would bring a side’s worth of salad toppings to a potluck with no salad to put it on? Were their family trees littered with crazy uncles who insisted on bringing croutons and bacon bits to Christmas brunch?

As much as I wanted to laugh at this odd mix up, I was more embarrassed than anything. And honestly, I felt more than a little lonely.

The recipe for cornbread and chicken dressing I had brought was the same one my grandmother and father had cooked for countless Novembers. The act of making it had given me a chance to recall my dad pouring warm chicken broth over stale bread with a bright red ladle until it looked the right kind of “soupy.” The dish so thoroughly reminded me of childhood that I swore I could make out the musk of my grandparents’ old cigarettes with the smell of hot butter, sage and celery.

So to me, the mix up felt like proclaiming your love for someone in your native language, only to realize they think you’re asking if you can sleep on their dinner table. It was the first time I really felt how far away from home I had gone.


THIS SIDE DISH
farce was brought to my mind anew a few weeks ago, as I found myself
once again explaining some crucial differences between Southern dressing and New York stuffing. This time, it was to my boyfriend’s family in Portville, as we sat down for a cozy chili dinner Halloween night. The stew smelled so good, one young trick-or-treater leaned his head in the house, took a deep sniff and then tried to invite himself in for supper.

The talk that night centered around upcoming plans for my first Thanksgiving dinner with their family. I was a little nervous about picking a dish to bring that would help me make the right impression. But after some thinking, I knew.

“Cornbread in stuffing?” said his mother, her eyebrows raising a little higher than I had anticipated.

But instead of feeling nerves at the question, I just laughed and explained my family recipe, painting the picture of my dad and I cutting celery as my mom drank coffee and my older sister slept. And after a few minutes of stories, my boyfriend’s parents assured me that whatever I decided to make would be wonderful to them.

I’m not sure exactly why I’m so much more relaxed about spending Thanksgiving above the Mason-Dixon line. Maybe it’s because Western New York isn’t so alien to me after a few years. Maybe it’s because even though my own parents are so far away this year, I’ll still be surrounded by people I love.

Regardless, I know one thing: No one better bring a salad to tonight’s dinner.

Olean library drag queen event for kids met with some backlash, much support

Pride Month reading hour to be attended by supporters, police, neo-Nazi protesters

(Read the live link here at oleantimesherald.com) Published Nov. 19, 2017. Read the follow up here.

OLEAN — While the Olean Public Library has been celebrating Pride Month and the LGBTQ community all June, one event in particular has captured public interest and inflamed a local debate over introducing children to the concept of drag.

Flo Leeta, a Buffalo-based drag queen, will read children’s books about self-expression and answer questions about gender at 6:30 p.m. today at the library during a Drag Queen Kids Party. She will read “Jacob’s New Dress” and “Morris Micklewhite and the Tangerine Dress,” children’s literature that Olean’s Programs Director Jennifer Stickles said has been on the library’s shelves for years.

While the event was announced at the beginning of the month, Stickles said negative social media posts began trickling in last week, as well as phone calls to the library and roughly 10 visits by those who wanted to share their disapproval in person.

Also, a Pennsylvania leader of the National Socialist Movement announced plans on social media to protest the event with others.

“It’s been rough for me this week and last week, too,” Stickles admitted.

However, she and Library Director Michelle La Voie said they are committed to hosting Flo Leeta. In fact, the number of people who expressed interest on the library’s Facebook page jumped from an expected dozen or so to more than 200 as of Tuesday.

“I’m worried about the event, because I don’t want families to show up and have an upsetting time,” La Voie said. “But I think it’s also educational for people to see what’s risen to the surface, and what we have to contend with as a society.”

STICKLES SAID SHE was inspired to host this reading after seeing news articles about Drag Queen Story Hour, an organization that began in San Francisco in 2015 but has since spread to cities across the country. The concept that drag queens could be invited into educational venues to read to children was lauded in professional journals she read, and she also saw that such a January reading in Binghamton was received very positively — an official with the Broome County Public Library said over 200 people attended their event.

And because the Olean library’s other programs representing the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer community had been embraced over the last few years — including Rainbow Alliance for LGBTQ youth support group, which launched in February 2017 — she wanted to see how locals would respond to a program for even younger kids.

“It’s just like any other storytime program in our library,” she said. “The difference being the person reading the book happens to be dressed in age-appropriate drag and reading picture books that show kids of LGBT families that they’re normal.”

Stickles noted that it was a plus that the performer who brings Flo Leeta to life, Benjamin Berry, has for years hosted multiple events for children as a hula-hoop instructor, entertainer and drag queen. He is also an Alfred State graduate and now part of the roster of Young Audiences of Western New York, a nonprofit that works to pair teaching artists with opportunities to instruct kids in creative programs.

For more information, visit www.benjaminberry.com.

Flo Leeta — who is not affiliated with Drag Queen Story Hour — said her program is going to be “equally entertaining and educational,” and she’s excited to spotlight LGBTQ people in a rural area.

She said the event will not only include reading, but also a lip sync performance to “Let It Go” from Disney’s “Frozen” and a question and answer session about what it’s like to be a drag queen as well as any LGBTQ topic. She said both kids and adults can ask questions.

“That part of the program may go over, because I think the community has a lot to unpack,” she said.

Flo Leeta said many of those speaking out against her appearance in Olean seem to misunderstand the point of it. She said the purpose is to humanize members of the LGBTQ community and make children comfortable with how they want to express themselves.

“For me, drag is all about confidence,” she said. “It’s about being as loud and bold and colorful as you want, so I want to set that example for the kids, and I also intend to send out the message that when people are being bullies — like there might be some really big bullies outside of the library — I want to show them that you need to be the bigger person and not punch back, and just be who you are and not be afraid of them. Because then they win.”

STICKLES SAID THERE have been many rumors surrounding what kinds of controversy have been stirred up as the library’s drag queen event neared. She clarified that no threats of violence have been directed at her or the library, to her knowledge.

However, a protest is planned, according to Daniel Burnside of Ulysses, Pa., a regional director for the National Socialist Movement. Burnside — who said his region of the neo-Nazi organization covers Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Maryland and Delaware — told the Olean Times Herald on Tuesday he planned to protest the event with about half a dozen others.

“I’m planning on being right there in the area to basically see what’s going on,” he said.

Burnside said he and the protesters joining him all have children, making them feel it’s their “responsibility to make an appearance.” He said the literature Flo Leeta planned to read is “poison” that was part of a “Marxist agenda to create gender neutrality.”

“I think a guy should be able to go there in a National Socialist uniform and read Julius Streicher’s ‘(The) Poisonous Mushroom,’” he said, referring to an anti-Semitic children’s book published in 1938 meant to teach children to fear Jewish people. “It’s no different than what they’re doing. So, you know, it’s completely wrong. It’s wrong, the wrong place to be doing it — not a public library.”

When it was said that some attendees were worried the protest could turn violent, Burnside responded, “Why, is antifa going to be there or something?” referring to protesters who  commit anti-fascist violence and who often engage neo-Nazi organizations. When told no, he said, “Oh, well then there probably won’t be any violence. I haven’t met a Nazi yet that perpetrates violence.”

Olean Police Chief Jeff Rowley said “one or two” officers will be at the library today to make sure everyone at the event is “well behaved.” He added he is prepared to call in more officers, including those with the Cattaraugus County Sheriff’s Office, if he deems it necessary.

Rowley said his office hasn’t previously had to deal with any issues relating to the National Socialist Movement, adding this is the first time in his memory he has faced this type of activity.

Director La Voie said when she initially spoke with Rowley, he suggested she cancel the event.

“I said I disagreed because I felt that would be giving in to forces, and showing them that when they do these kinds of things they can make people back down out of fear,” she said.

Rowley said while he did recommend cancelling the event, he did not do so in his capacity as chief of police, but as someone concerned for the welfare of the children attending the event.

“I understand both sides of it,” he said. “People don’t want to give up their freedom of expression or their speech, and if they allow the haters to cause them to cancel it, then the people have lost their freedom of speech.

“But when it comes to children, I think you need to step back and think about it a little more.”

La Voie said while she is also concerned that young people at tomorrow’s event might be exposed to neo-Nazis, she thinks it would be worse for her to cancel an educational event that “hit a nerve in this community” — especially because she fears it could encourage protesters to continue using strong-arm tactics to shut down other LGBTQ-related events.

“It’s just the wrong thing to do,” she said.

There will also be a collection of counter-protesters. Officials said the library was contacted by a community member who began organizing people to come early to the event and make attendees feel safe.

Stickles said the group includes people who are planning to bring rainbow umbrellas in order to block the view of protest signs, and those who will offer to escort attendees to the library if they feel scared. The point of the group, she said, is to “be here and be supportive and make it feel safer for those that are bringing their children.”

The organizer declined to speak to the Times Herald on Tuesday.

Rowley discouraged unofficial volunteers who might try to protect event attendees.

“We (the police) will handle the situation — we would rather not have a self-appointed group of security personnel show up. It could just complicate matters,” he said.

However, he added those who could not be discouraged from offering protection should at least identify themselves to officers once they arrive at the library.

While La Voie stressed counter-protesters were not requested by the library, nor affiliated with it, she didn’t seem to mind the support.

“I don’t want people to get into trouble or start anything,” she said. “However if we have hate groups that are going to be here, it doesn’t bother me we’re going to have good people here, too.”

BURNSIDE WAS ONE of multiple locals who spoke out against the event. Several voiced objections to Flo Leeta’s program online, with reasons ranging from religious beliefs that LGBTQ people are sinful to the idea that dressing in drag is abnormal behavior. Others said a program featuring a drag queen is inherently sexual and therefore inappropriate for young children.

“This is a shameful use of our hard-earned city tax dollars that sexualizes the otherwise beautiful act of storybook reading to children,” wrote Jonathan Smith, of Olean, in a letter to the editor sent to the Olean Times Herald. “How does the library justify using public funds for the sexualization of children?”

Stickles, who is a lesbian, said one person recently visited the library and told her she was a danger to the children because of her orientation.

“We have people calling saying, ‘I know you have a lesbian there running your programming,’” she said. “But I don’t know why my private life matters to them… I’m still going to provide the community with programs they need and want.”

Stickles and La Voie said they have been trying to focus on the overwhelming amount of positive feedback from people in the area and outside of it, which included several library officials and former local residents from as far away as Oregon.

“I think it’s great that people support the library. It’s always great to see people support the library for something that’s good and to see people step up,” Stickles said.

Meg McCune, an associate professor at Jamestown Community College with a PhD in anthropology, said she’ll be attending the the drag queen story time with her young child.

“I’m thrilled the library is having this event,” she said. “If I don’t support it, I feel the people attending the protest win.”

While she respects other parents decisions not to go — “I’d rather not bring my daughter around Nazis,” she said — she sees the event as a way to give her child access to diversity as well as something that increases the value of the community.

“Plus it’s just fun,” she added. “At the end of the day, you have a trained performer for kids.”

(Contact City Editor Danielle Gamble at dgamble@oleantimesherald.com. Follow her on Twitter, @OTHGamble)

 

Her songs of hope: How Raquel Acevedo’s music, faith helped her grow in the Venezuelan jungle and journey to the US

(To read the original story, visit oleantimesherald.com. Published April 30, 2018. Winner of 2018 Excellence in Feature Writing award by New York News Publishers Association.)

When Raquel Acevedo makes music, every movement is like a prayer.

Her brow knits when she sings high into her chest voice, as she did weeks ago while playing the worship song she wrote. Her fingers took measured strokes on her guitar in her Houghton apartment.

“Tú me llamas si no tengo palabras,” she sings with her husband, Daniel Escriban, while family friend David Peralta plays viola. “Solo lágrimas derramo de ti.”

Acevedo is telling God that when she has no words, he speaks for her. And because of that, she can only weep at his power and grace.

That deep faith and musical talent has been with Acevedo since she was a child in the jungles of Venezuela, one of six in her missionary family. She used both to build a music program for hundreds of indigenous children that became known throughout her country and was studied by Harvard University.

“I gave everything to the children,” she said. “They were my everything.”

But then, three circumstances crashed down on Acevedo. First, her outspoken beliefs — for gender equality and against abuse — brought to a head tensions between her and the indigenous people she had dedicated her life to. Next, a law enacted in 2015 by the government mandated that non-indigenous people could not live in indigenous villages.

Finally, an economic crisis that had been festering in Venezuela for half a decade exploded. Starvation, crime and civil unrest became rampant in the country, with the United Nations’ Refugee Agency estimating this year that $46 million in foreign aid will be needed just to begin helping those displaced.

Acevedo made it to Allegany County with her family in 2017 as a Houghton College student, and now attends Jamestown Community College. More than 2,700 miles away from the place she thought she would die, Acevedo and her family are scratching out a new life. They are building connections, providing free music to several area churches while each go to school and work as visas allow.

And Acevedo is praying, every day, that God will provide enough for them to stay.

“It’s like finally, we got home after many, many years and many places,” she said.

MUSIC IN THE JUNGLE

Leaving Venezuela was not Acevedo’s dream.

Her father, a Seventh-day Adventist minister, brought his criollo Venezuelan family to Canaima National Park. They were tasked to live as missionaries among a village of Pemon people in the southeastern tip of the park, near Guyana and Brazil.

Acevedo developed a love of music under the instruction of her father, singing and playing violin as part of their worship services. By the time she turned 15, she began teaching the indigenous children how to read and write using simple songs. That’s when she noticed that many had innate musical abilities.

She was teaching kids as young as 4 and as old as her own age, using songs that soon became full-length choral pieces. Acevedo raced to learn ahead of her students.

“I didn’t learn music from any college or anybody. I just composed the music there in the jungle, and I learned with them,” she said.

The choir first began performing in camps in the park to an international audience, and grew into a choir and orchestra. They eventually made at least five CDs, with Acevedo being asked to do television interviews.

By 2009, many people were interested in Acevedo’s group, including officials with El Sistema, the common name of the government’s system of youth orchestras and choirs in Venezuela. They began funding Acevedo’s Canaima Indigenous Youth Orchestra, helping her eventually serve more than 900 children.

Her efforts came to the attention of Enrique Márquez, founder of MESDA Group (Music Education for Social Development Agency), which was established as part of a fellowship with Harvard University. He got in contact with Acevedo and partnered with her for three years.

“The question they had was, ‘How is it possible that indigenous children with no contact with Western European music, that they are playing that music so well?’” Acevedo said.

5ae7ac7dab160.image

Raquel Acevedo (third from left) stands with Enrique Marquez (fifth from left) founder of an organization established as part of a fellowship with Harvard University. Márquez put together a team of musicians to help Acevedo starting in 2011 as she managed a 900-plus-member music program for indigenous people, as well as to study the program’s success.

Photo by MESDA Group

Samuel Marchan, a 20-year music educator in New York City, was part of the team of musicians who annually travelled to Canaima for a few weeks to assist with instruction. He said Acevedo’s efforts were astonishing and much needed, though he worried at times she neglected herself as she prioritized the music program.

“There is no opportunity for those kids there,” Marchan said. “She was giving them another way of life.”

HEART OF DARKNESS

But to pursue her passion, Acevedo had to sacrifice her freedom.

In 2000, Acevedo’s father was called to Curacao in the Caribbean. Her options were to stay in the village with the music program she loved, or move by herself to Canada.

She still vividly recalls the day her path was decided.

“It was the worst day of my life,” she said.

Coming from church, Acevedo arrived to her home with candle light flickering. She walked into a room of people, including her parents and village leaders, who all turned to look at her.

“Then my father said, ‘OK Raquel, we are talking about your future here.’”

Acevedo listened to the plan. Per village law, she could not live by herself as a single woman, so the chief’s son — a relative of her current husband, Escriban — had agreed to marry her.

“I’m not marrying you,” she said she shouted at the chief’s son. “I was very loud and upset, and I was crying, and I left the house.”

She remembers sobbing all night as she walked through the grass of the savannah, gazing at the river and forests she loved. She hadn’t even had a boyfriend before.

“I was not ready to get married,” Acevedo said. “Even at almost 18, I was not ready to start a life as a wife.”

But more significantly, she could not abandon the members of her choir, who begged her to stay.

“I said OK, whatever you want,” she said.

Acevedo’s father declined to comment on the events, but Acevedo said her parents have since apologized to her.

After becoming a wife, Acevedo said the “machista,” hyper-masculine culture of the village was uncomfortable for her.

“Women have to be completely submitted, or they hit them,” she said, smacking her palm. “And I was not the kind of woman who submitted.”

She said not just her husband, but other men and women in the village abused her for “talking like a man.”

She was also threatened for speaking out against physical and sexual child abuse. Acevedo said after she confronted a family who she believed had multiple members molesting one of her 9-year-old students, a group of men from the family surrounded her house to threaten her with machetes.

“I saw many things that I don’t like,” she said of her years in the village.

Acevedo found refuge in the choir.

“The love I could not find in my parents, the love I could not find in my husband, I found that love in them,” she said. “I was following my dreams, and I was not going to give up just because I am a woman and I am not indigenous.”

And eventually, as she established her foundation that not only educated but also fed and clothed roughly 500 indigenous families, Acevedo said she began earning respect. She said once in a 2012 ceremony, she was even proclaimed “an adopted daughter of the jungle.”

“That’s why I rejected so many opportunities, because I had a commitment with that village,” she said. “I told them, I married here to stay here, and I’m dying here.”

However, Acevedo said the relationship crumbled once she officially divorced her first husband after 12 years of marriage, and by 2015, the Venezuelan government affirmed a mandate from indigenous leaders that non-indigenous people — including spouses — could not live on tribal lands.

Then, after Acevedo spoke out against illegal gold mining operations in the region, she received a letter from her former home asking her to no longer visit.

NO WAY BACK

Acevedo and her family are part of the estimated 1.5 million people who have fled from Venezuela in the last few years, as economic turmoil has now turned into a humanitarian crisis.

After leaving the national park, Acevedo recalled being forced to eat only cans of beets for dinner as food shortages became more common.

While Escriban’s indigenous family are doing better than most because they are in the jungle, much state assistance has been reduced. Electricity and food are in short supply everywhere.

“What money you have, you cannot pay for anything,” he said, referring to the near-worthlessness of the country’s currency, bolivars. Exchange rate estimates fluctuate daily, and the International Monetary Fund predicts inflation will spiral to 13,000 percent by the end of this year.

The country’s calamitous state has been in the works since the death of former leader Hugo Chavez in 2013. His successor, Nicolas Maduro, has been accused of rigging elections and filling crucial federal departments with unqualified loyalists.

Maduro’s authority has been further challenged by the massive dip in the country’s oil production. The industry accounts for 95 percent of export earnings, according to the Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries, which reported in January that Venezuela’s oil production hit a 30-year low.

However, civil unrest and murder rates have climbed. And as brazen as she is, there are many things even Acevedo will not discuss publicly for fear of endangering those still in Venezuela — or, as she calls them, people she has not yet been able to save.

“I will never take my children back to Venezuela,” she said. “Over my dead body. I have no future there, not me and not my children.”

OFF TO SCHOOL

After all seemed lost for Acevedo, she got help from a Harvard connection — Marchan, who had been encouraging her to study in the U.S. for years.

“I told her, if you want a better job, you have to get an education,” Marchan said.

Through a Houghton College professor, he secured a Skype interview for Acevedo with Dr. Armenio Suzano Jr., dean of the Greatbatch School of Music and a native of Brazil. He was blown away, and immediately set up a chance for her to audition in front of a committee, which Acevedo also aced.

“We were all amazed by the heart she brought,” he said. “She is a true musician.”

With a scholarship from the university and help from a sponsor back home, Acevedo was able to secure an academic visa.

Meanwhile, she had decided to propose to her former student, Escriban, who had supported her and her children throughout her life.

“I told him, ‘I want you to come with us. You are our hero,’” she said.

So Acevedo arrived in time for the 2017 spring semester at Houghton, with her family in tow. She studied there for two semesters, making the Dean’s List both times.

Suzano said she was not only talented, but very thoughtful and helpful to other students.

“Raquel brought a sense of deep-seated gratitude to the opportunity she was given, and she demonstrated that. She lived in a state of grace,” he said.

Funding ran out for Acevedo to attend Houghton, as her sponsor began to suffer the effects of the faltering Venezuelan economy.

However, she joined Escriban at JCC’s Olean campus, where he is studying to be a plumber. Escriban also switched her major to nursing, as she had often practiced makeshift medicine in the jungle. When asked why, she said to her, medicine is not that different than teaching music.

“You are still helping people,” she said with a smile.

Her children, Shalomi and Josué, attend Fillmore Central School and take private music lessons at Houghton.

PRAYING TO STAY SAFE

Even though Acevedo feels like she’s found home, it’s a balancing act to stay. The restrictions on her and Escriban’s visas hinder their ability to work outside of the college, and even that work is restricted.

Meanwhile, the family estimates they need to raise about $20,000 this year to stay in the U.S., which includes paying for living expenses and filing government documents. And because they refuse to work illegally, they have had to turn to the community for support.

That’s why Larry Russell, pastor of the Caneadea United Methodist Church, is one of dozens of community members helping Acevedo, Escriban and Peralta as much as possible.

He met the family when they volunteered to perform music for his congregation, and he still recalls hearing Escriban sing “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day” for the first time.

“When he sang it,” Russell said, pausing as he fought back tears, “you just knew that God was in that room.”

The family is now well-known throughout the area’s religious community, having played at more than a dozen local venues. Russell noted it’s rare to have such well-trained musicians in the area willing to donate so much of their time. Peralta alone served as a professor with El Sistema — where he met Acevedo — and as a violist with the Simón Bolívar Symphony Orchestra under internationally-celebrated conductor Gustavo Dudamel.

That’s part of the reason why Russell’s church and others recently worked together to host two concerts at the Palmer Opera House in Cuba, both beginning at 6:30 p.m. Friday and Saturday, that feature the Venezuelan family. The performances are free and at-will donations will be accepted.

After spending a lifetime giving, Acevedo is overwhelmed to be the one receiving.

“We are blessed to be a part of this amazing place, I tell you,” said Acevedo softly, sitting in her Houghton apartment with her children beside her and Russell nearby. While Allegany County may have one of the lowest per capita income levels in the state, Acevedo and her family have found nothing but generosity — donations include their housing, the cars in the driveway, the armchair she sits in.

“And we will never stop saying thank you,” Acevedo said.

“And neither will we,” added Russell, as the two chuckled together.

(Contact City Editor Danielle Gamble at dgamble@oleantimesherald.com. Follow her on Twitter, @OTHGamble)

Coming out proud

Read a PDF of the print version here.


“Coming out” is a very common phrase in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and asexual (LGBTQA) community. The phrase is so much a part of the community that National Coming Out Day was started in the late ’80s, and Oct. 11 will mark its 25th anniversary.

The two words encapsulate a complex, highly individual experience that those of non-heterosexual orientation go through. In order to get a better understanding of this rite of passage, we asked six UT students who identify as non-hetero a series of questions that started out with one: “When did you come out?”

Alex

It wasn’t until he was stationed in Baghadad, Iraq, that Alex Powell began to come to terms with his bisexuality. After a 12-plus hour day, he got back to his trailer around 8 or 9 p.m., but he couldn’t go to sleep.

“I remember that night, just walking around and praying and crying,” he said. “And I wanted to call my mom and I wanted to call my dad, and I had the resources to, but I just couldn’t bring myself at that point to call and talk to anybody. I really didn’t have anybody to talk to.”

Powell, an academic junior and first-year transfer student majoring in paralegal studies, joined the military when he was 18, the same age he married his wife. At the time he was wandering through the Baghadad night, a city he served in for 15 months, he was newly separated from his wife with three little girls at home.

He was also trying to deal with his first boyfriend, a member of his division that he referred to as a “battle buddy.”

“He just didn’t know what he wanted and I’ve never been one to not really know what I want,” he said. “And just being in limbo with him really was hard on me, because it was the first time that I really had feelings for a person of the [same] sex,” he said.

It’s been a difficult journey for Powell to get to where he is now. He was retired in 2009 from the Army after suffering brain trauma when his truck was hit by a roadside bomb. But more than his injuries, Powell said his experiences as a military paralegal affected his outlook on life.

As part of his job, Powell was asked to investigate all 40 deaths of the soldiers in his brigade, as well as two kidnappings.

“When you deal with death on a daily basis like that, with all the graphic details that come with it, it makes you rethink your life and how you spend your life,” he said. “It basically boils down to happiness. Do you want to live a life that you’re not happy every day? Or do you want to live a life that you’re just pleasing everybody else? And I chose to live a life in which I would be happy.”

Now, Powell is 28, divorced, a confirmed bisexual and in the second year of a gay relationship. He’s really happy where he is, because being bisexual means, “Whoever I end up in a relationship with is who I end up in a relationship with.”

“Some people don’t understand it,” Powell said. “Some people think it’s being greedy, but to me it’s not if you’re honest and you don’t try to hide who you are to other people who may come into your life.”

Melissa

Melissa Brodsky came out for the first time about halfway through second grade.

“I had a best friend, and I was just like ‘you know, I like her,’” she said. “And it turned out to be a ‘like’ like, which is what you would say in second grade, I guess.”

With a lifetime of Catholic upbringing to contend with, Brodsky’s instinct was to hide from being a lesbian. To face rejection, especially at such a young age, was unthinkable.

“I just realized automatically that I should not be feeling that way and that it was wrong,” she said.

But as she grew older and continued to feel different, she decided to tell, including her mom. At first, she was afraid of the rejection she’d face at the two Catholic, all-girl high schools she attended. But she was pleasantly surprised to find support, and her first girlfriend.

“I would say coming out to yourself is more of a realization of who you are; it’s finally understanding what makes you yourself,” she said. “But coming out to the community is telling everyone that you’ve found what makes you unique or independent or different from everyone else.”

But once she started to go public, not everyone was so accepting ­- like the children who began to taunt her little brother in sixth grade.

“He got a lot of backlash for it anyway once people found out,” she said, her eyes crinkled. “Someone actually threatened to kill him.”

“When my mom found out that this happened, she told me that I wasn’t allowed to act gay anymore, because she thought that was why my brother was threatened.”

But now, in her second year as a bioengineering major, Brodsky is “extremely” out – she’s the vice president of UT Spectrum , and her backpack is covered in buttons with phrases like, “When did you choose heterosexuality?” and “We the people; that means all of us,” stamped across them.

Jared

Jared was sure he was gay the summer before his junior year of high school. It was his first relationship with a girl.

“After a month of dating, I was like ‘Yeah – yeah, I’m gay,’” he said with a big laugh.

But way before then, he was suspicious.

“Looking back, I’d kind of always known I was gay,” he said. “The acceptance and coming out to my close friends kind of happened at the same time, but the thinking of it happened a long time before that.”

But the knowing and accepting were two different things for Jared, a second-year chemical engineering major who asked for his last name to be withheld.

Around his freshman year of high school, Jared told a friend about his sexuality. The process halted there because Jared “wasn’t sure this was how I really felt,” and it took about four years before he was sure enough to share his orientation.

Even now, Jared doesn’t consider himself “out publicly,” because he hasn’t told many people back home. He’s only talked to his mother, who he said isn’t very happy about it.

Jared said his mom wants his grandmother to know, but Jared and his mom agree that he’s not going to tell his grandfather.

“It just wouldn’t be productive to tell him,” he said quickly. “It would cause more issues than it would solve.”

But even though not everyone knows he’s gay, Jared doesn’t feel like he’s holding anything back.

“I don’t hide myself and I don’t feel like I have to hide myself,” he said. “The people around me accept me for who I am whether they know I’m gay or not, so how I act around people, I don’t change that whether they know I’m gay or not.”

Emily

Emily Hickey described coming out as “a long process, that I think I’m still somewhat going through.”

Hickey said she didn’t start considering that she was a lesbian until about 2009 as she approached the end of her undergraduate career at UT. She’s still here, working as a graduate assistant in office of assessment, accreditation and program review

Hickey said her hesitation had to do with lack of education. She remembers secretly reading magazines and books about the gay community: anything to “visualize what it would mean.”

After doing some research and meeting her first girlfriend (whom she met at a Catholic spiritual retreat), Hickey began to come to terms with her sexual identity.

Now, Hickey serves as an LGBTQ advocate and an active member of the community. She helped to organize the Toledo Pride parade for three years, and writes advocacy pieces for the Toledo Free Press.

But she has regrets. First, waiting so long to come out.

“My understanding when I was in high school was that if I accepted the fact that I was a lesbian, it meant that everything else in my life had to go away,” she said. “I didn’t know that those two could be together.”

Second, she regrets coming out not as a lesbian, but “just bisexual.”

“It still gave [my family] an idea that I could still be with a man. And I think by doing that I did myself a huge disservice, because I think I made it even more difficult for those that are in the bisexual community, that legitimately do identify as bisexual because they have feelings for both sexes.

“It did them a disservice,” Hickey said, looking at the wall of her office. “I did it the wrong way.”

Will

Even though Will came out to himself two years ago and to his friends a year and a half ago, he counts from when he outed himself to his family: six months ago.

Will, a fourth-year pharmacy major who asked for his last name to be withheld, remembered telling his sister first as an “experiment” before telling his mom, then dad.

“It’s a sin but it’s no worse than stealing,” he remembered his sister saying. “So like, you can be pardoned for it.”

He remembered his response with a laugh. “And I’m like, ‘Well, you can pardon my foot up your ass.’”

However, Will began the coming out process well before he could curse; he said he first began to realize he was gay around age 5.

One day, Will was with his friend Cory, watching a TV show that featured two men getting married. When Will’s dad came in the room, Will announced that he and his friend were going to get married.

Will laughed as he recalled his dad’s reaction.

“And he’s like ‘All right, that’s fine.’”

But it wasn’t fine with Will, at least not at first. He started dating at age 14, but only women. Ultimately, he said was involved with 14 women and had sex with three of them by the time he reached his second year at UT.

The moment it finally clicked that something was wrong, he said, happened thanks to the last woman he was with. After a tear-filled conversation in Carlson Library, she confessed that she felt like he didn’t love her.

“She’s my friend and she’s my lover,” he remembered thinking. “Why isn’t this working? This relationship is perfect. She’s a great person.

“And there’s just one part missing, and I think that’s me.”

Now, Will said he’s received a lot of love and understanding from his friends and family, and is enjoying the sixth week with his new boyfriend.

“My life has gone from what it’s ‘supposed to be’ to what I want it to be,” he said.

Sophie

Sophie Miller can’t keep track of the times she’s come out.

“I kind of came out multiple times because it was hard for my mom to get the idea of it,” she said with a sad smile.

Miller, a third-year majoring in nursing, said she started questioning her sexuality in seventh grade. She said she wasn’t thinking about girls, but she also “wasn’t excited about boy stuff. She decided to go to her mom for advice.

“Mom, I just don’t know what that means,” she remembers saying.

The reply? “Well, you’re not gay.”

“That was scary,” Miller said, “because I was like ‘Well, apparently you can’t be gay in this family.’ I don’t even have to use the word and all of a sudden my mom’s like ‘just for the record, that’s never an option.”

Though Miller said her brother, father and stepmother are accepting of her being a lesbian, Miller’s mother still struggles. But even though Miller describes her mom as her “best friend,” that doesn’t mean Miller is quiet about her orientation.

“It took me a long time to realize that just because it’s not an option in my mom’s head for me, doesn’t mean it’s not a reality,” she said.

That reality was still something Miller said she struggled to consolidate with her Christianity, which she ranks as the No. 1 priority in her life.

“That was a big struggle for me, because growing up I had always learned being gay is a sin, and being gay and being Christian are never going to mix. You’re not born that way, so you choose to be that way and it’s sinful.

“But I did some research on my own and read the Bible for myself and there’s definitely scripture in there that is obviously against homosexual relationships, but I think people misinterpret it quite a bit, because it’s referring to homosexuals that are raping one another, and they leave that out when they preach that it’s wrong.”

Now, Miller and her girlfriend, who plans on being a Lutheran youth pastor, have been together nine months.

“Once you fully embrace who you are, and you’re OK with where you are in life and who you are and who you’re with, then it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks,” she said. “It’s tough; there are days that are really tough, especially with my mom. But I think it’s up to everyone individually to surround themselves with people that support them for whoever they are.”